Finding Your Voice: Healing from Church Hurt and Learning to Trust Yourself

I grew up in the Bible Belt, spending my life in church, attending a small private Christian school, and serving in ministry for years, leading worship and teams. I’ve had some incredible experiences, built amazing friendships, and made memories I’ll always hold dear. But like anywhere else in this broken world, church isn’t immune to hurt. And it’s easy to confuse the pain caused by imperfect people with the character of God.

When you grow up being told to “set the example,” not lead boys astray with your body, and that your heart is “deceitfully wicked,” it’s no surprise you might end up feeling paranoid, guilty, or like you can’t trust yourself. If you’ve been taught to believe these things and even have scripture to back them up, I get it. I’m not here to debate but to share how these ideas affected me in case someone else relates.

One of the hallmarks of anxious attachment is not trusting your gut because you’re so afraid of losing relationships or acceptance. This often stems from early experiences where stability or validation was inconsistent. You learn to cling tightly to relationships, anxious about losing them.

The harder you try to prove you’re good enough, the deeper the fear of being “bad” can cut. So here’s what I’ve learned: you are NOT bad, inherently evil, or a disappointment. You are human—a beautifully imperfect one. You will mess up. We all do. But recognizing that you’re not alone in your imperfections can free you from self-hate and fear.

Church can be a place of healing, love, and safety where you’re accepted as you are. That’s what it should be, reflecting Jesus’ love. But in any environment—church or otherwise—it’s so important to trust your own instincts and advocate for yourself. If the majority or the leadership around you says or believes something, take a moment to check: does this align with your values? Your beliefs?

For those of us healing from anxious attachment, the desire to avoid rejection or seek approval can be intense. That’s why setting boundaries and honoring your gut is vital. Saying “no” when something doesn’t feel right is a powerful way to protect your mental health, align with your values, and maintain your sense of self.

This doesn’t mean rejecting all guidance or assuming leaders are untrustworthy. But it does mean that no one’s opinions—no matter how respected—should outweigh your own inner voice. Ultimately, you’re the one living with the consequences of your choices, so you need to believe in them. Trusting yourself is not only an act of courage but also an act of self-respect.. 🤍

At the end of the day, your journey is yours to walk, and trusting yourself is one of the most important steps toward living authentically, loving deeply, and healing fully. 🌿

If you would like more tailored support in navigating church hurt and learning to trust yourself again, check out my 1 on 1 coaching option here.

Much Love,

Linz